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Monday, 18 January 2016

SAYING GOODBYE TO 2015

It’s been almost a year since I did my last blog post, and too say I’m disappointed at that is an understatement. I suppose the only excuse I have to myself is being busy, and busy I am.  But, what a good way to start the new year, by promising myself to continue blogging now I’ve got more free time on my hands.

Another year has quite literally flown by, and just like every other year I’m amazed at how quickly it’s gone! I always end up being surprised at the end of a year, at how fast and how much has happened is such a short time. 2015 has seen so many highlights along with a few hard challenges. But, as long as I learn from the mistakes I’ve made, then I’m totally okay with making them! Sometimes I think it’s good to document your years, because potentially in the future, I’ll be able to look back and see how much I’ve grown and changed as a person.

Unfortunately, even I can’t remember everything that happened in 2015, so I’m going to write about the most poignant moments that shaped this year, and wow has it been eventful!  

To be completely honest January, and the rest of the first quarter of the year started off pretty hard for me. I remember thinking at the time that I didn’t want to enter a new year on such a negative, but I did! I started the year feeling very suffocated in certain aspects of my life, especially university. Although you’d think homesickness was my main reason for hating uni, it surprised even me that, that wasn’t the issue at all. The issue was studying itself and the state of anxiousness I got when I had to attend lectures and seminars. This feeling continued throughout the rest of the academic year, It got to the stage of missing lectures, simply because I feared going in. I simply wasn’t happy, but stupidly I wasn’t thinking about my own happiness and decided to continue for the rest of academic year. Looking back on it though, I’m glad I tried and finished first year, only then would I be able to make an accurate judgement of my future at uni.

All throughout summer I was working incredibly hard, thank god I’m blessed with a good work ethic. Although I was telling people I really hoped to pass first year, I was secretly hoping I’d fail. If I failed that was an easier way of dropping out of university, than admitting I didn’t like it. Results day came and… I passed. Too most people that would be an amazing achievement, but to me, it just wasn’t. I decided to return to university, hoping that second year would be different. I thought living in a house as oppose to halls would secure my happiness at uni, but It didn’t. I thought that having experience everything for the first time last year, would make my return easier, but it didn’t. Only then, did I realise that to me success wasn’t measured by money, success is measured by happiness, and at uni I didn’t have any.  

After countless meetings with careers advisors, lecturers and my head of year, despite their attempt at being unbiased they tried to convince me to stay. I tried to keep an open mind as long as possible, not letting anyone influence such an important decision, but in the end ultimately I decided to leave university.

The relief and stress that lingered over my head for a year had finally passed, and I felt amazing. I immediately felt more relaxed and comfortable. This happened in October 2015, so only now am I feeling the repercussions of my decision, I’ve been lumbered with student finance repayments and have to begin paying council tax. Adult life already seems a lot more stressful than a younger me first envisioned. For this reason, my 2016 didn’t end up starting as exciting as I first thought, but I’ve got a year to change that! I’m saying goodbye to 2015 and all the negativity it held and 2016 will be a better one, because I’ll make it a better one!

Adios